IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are marries or single. some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
Nowadays, employers sometimes want to know
employee's
Fix the agreement mistake
employees'
show examples
 personal
details
 before for applying
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 job,
for example
, like and dislike, interest and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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marital status
and
Correct word choice
apply
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others argue that these
details
 might be relevant and important. Others believe it is not so significant. According to my ,opinion it is good practice to ask beforehand. In the coming ,essay I will discuss more
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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this
. During the joining new job majority of the company ask
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
an
employee
 about their behaviour and their marital status .The main reason is that to understand the
employee
 towards his work and ask about marital status, it is necessary for some companies because they have to complete their
prossure
Correct your spelling
pressure
procedure
 so that, they easily make that particular empl file or data update.
On the other hand
, some people won't
be interest
Change the verb form
be interesting
be interested
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 to share about their personal life. As per them if a company is going to give a person they should need to know their professional
details
 because in future they need results ,not personal interaction. For ,example if an
employee
don't
Change the verb form
doesn't
show examples
 ready to share their personal
details
 and he/she is fit for that particular role and because of a particular ,parameter they are not eligible to process their
further
 request. In my ,opinion asking for personal
details
 is not harming anybody.
However
, it can be asked in
Correct article usage
the employees
show examples
employees
Change noun form
employees'
employee's
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 favour too. For ,instance during the form submission employers can mention the option which is "I don't want to disclose". These types of things will ease
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the employees as well as employers will get relevant joiner. In conclusion, sharing personal
details
 may or may not affect individuals but giving
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
open options would be good practice in an organisation.
Submitted by championz.sword on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
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