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Band 4.5

The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#safety #roads #punishments #offenses
Road safety is a more essential and concerning matter.
Therefore
, a substantial proportion of individuals think that the only way to enhance welfare is to make inflexible rules and regulations because carelessness
while
 driving can lead to severe accidents. I partially agree with the given statement. Well-being
has
Verb problem
are
show examples
 several other alternative ways to counter
this
 problem. To commence with, the administration can either make strict constitutions or punish because they cannot do both commodities. Videlicet, when they make laws to tackle road accidents, but it is extremely hard to follow natives.
On the other hand
, when the authorities are making inflexible punishment. They cannot improve the economy in the correct way.
For example
, more than two-fifths of natives
are died
Wrong verb form
die
show examples
 every year
due to
 the usage of smartphones
while
 driving. The fatality rate has massively risen.
Thus
, governments should take some useful action
as compared
Rephrase
instead
show examples
to make
Change preposition
of making
show examples
 guidelines. It is extremely brutal for the population because it is a sudden stop.
In addition
, the fact cannot be denied that several individuals are not well-educated. They do not have proper information regarding harmlessness.
For instance
, the
department
Capitalize word
Department
show examples
 of
education
Capitalize word
Education
show examples
 in the USA revealed that more than one-fifth of inhabitants are not educated, but they should consider or buy cars or bicycles even when it has the proper skill to drive a car.
Nevertheless
, they have less information regarding regulations.
As a result
, education is an essential part of an individual's life and leadership should give free coaching to control the mortality rate.
To conclude
, unquestionably, when the authority makes strict laws or punishments natives cannot follow the right way. They need to provide higher and quality education to residents.
Submitted by lovishhhh on

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task response
Task Response: The essay provides a partial agreement with the prompt, but the arguments lack depth and clarity. Make sure to address the specific aspects mentioned in the prompt and provide a stronger stance with clear supporting points and examples.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks a clear logical structure and the points are not consistently supported throughout the essay. Work on organizing the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs with supported main points, and a strong conclusion. Use cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve overall coherence.
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