In today's world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#world #people #money #appearance #happen #development

The public confronts a phenomenon in which looking younger than your actual age is considered a significant trend in modern society. In order to keep a young look, the community pay a lot of money for these kinds of services and products. The factors on it would be speculated as active promotion of the

beauty

industry and rapid development of technology in

this

sector.

According to

Change preposition

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my view, drawing greater attention to our appearance and spending much value is likely to demonstrate the detrimental aspects no matter how beneficial it is. Now, I will try my utmost to jot down the phenomenon below

for arriving

Change preposition

to arrive

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the

Correct article usage

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conclusion in the end. First and foremost, the

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industry gives much attention to its promotion and advertisement in order to increase its demand in the market. In doing so, they cooperate strongly with celebrities or famous figures. The companies in the sector would earn more income if their partnered model

will be

Wrong verb form

were

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in the eye of the public on account of people considering them as models or influencers. Having seen the status quo in Mongolia,

beauty

products from Korea are still in high demand

due to

the greater distribution of Korean drama since the year 2000. In turn, people, especially women's

beauty

standards and norms have changed little by little, women like Korean figures are considered beautiful

due to

the influence of Korean soap operas. To reach that

beauty

standard, Mongolians who have different facial shapes spend so much money, time and effort, it will increase our living cost, but worthless. As far as another potential factor is proposed with the high development of editing programs, software and applications. An artificial and unrealistic appearance is disseminated to the public and it

also

affects public preferences thanks to the usage of these programs. Case in point, a virtual model who has a perfect figure and outlook made by the computer has drawn public attention in

the latest

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recent

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years. These non-realistic figures lead to setting the

beauty

norm in society and affect to community's behaviour. From my point of view, an artificial

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norm brings us more pressure and tension. In order to reach a high

beauty

standard, people spend their time, effort and wealth unconsciously. Once and for all, I would leap to

Correct article usage

the

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logical conclusion that the active promotion of the

beauty

sector increases its demand in the market

while

the high development of technology related to

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leads to setting the impractical

beauty

standard in the community.

Therefore

, I strongly

consider

Verb problem

believe

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that spending too much money on our appearance has more and more adverse effects on society.

Submitted by Jargalmaa Ganzorig on Tue Jan 24 2023

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Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

436 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In today's world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays more are more people are deciding to have a baby in later life. What are the reasons? And how to solve this problem?

Today many people do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types ofrelationships people make?Has this become a positive or negative development.