IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say the fashion industry has a bad effect on people’s lives. Do you agree?

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In
this
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 modern era, people like to spend a large amount of
money
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 on clothes, jewellery and many more items to look beautiful benefits the
fashion
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 industry.
While
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 some folks concur that the
fashion
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 industry has a bad negative influence on people's lifestyles. I tend to stand with the statement that does hold a valid ground which will elaborate in the forthcoming paragraph. There is adequate evidence
that is
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 obtainable for substantiated reasons. First of all, the
fashion
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 industry is one of the top businesses in the world, with the influence of models and celebrities promoting their products.
Therefore
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, individuals tempt to buy
Add an article
a
the
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product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 which
are
Change the verb form
is
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 telecasted on television and
as a result
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, worthless
money
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 for invaluable things.
According to
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 a recent survey conducted by BBC Channel, more than 73% of folks expenditure budget on unnecessary items. Another factor to consider is that the increasing number of items leads to waste material which is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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dire
consequences
Change the noun form
consequence
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 for the environment.
On the other hand
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, people give priority to the concept of self-love more than in past years, which indirectly boosts their confidence and mental health by wearing
fashion
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 trends. Needless to say, all these points stand in good stead.
To sum up
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, I reiterate that
money
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 and time are valuable things,
therefore
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 utilize
money
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 on other resources
such
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 as food, the stock market etc. All the aforementioned facts serve as clear evidence that impacts the environment.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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