IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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Nowadays, many food and drink
products
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 contain
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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high levels of
sugar
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 which tend to many
health
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 problems. To encourage folk to consume less
sugar
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, sugary
products
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 should be made more expensive. I believe
,
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such
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products
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 should be made more expensive so as to maintain
people
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's good
health
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.
Overall
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, the companies are adding sweeteners to the product to make it tastier. By adding
such
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 sweeteners, the
sugar
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 content is increased in the product. By consuming
such
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products
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,
health
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 is at risk as
people
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 consume more
sugar
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, more
health
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 problem increases.
Children
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 nowadays are addicted to aerated
drinks
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 which contain a huge amount of
sugar
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 that causes diabetic diseases at an early age.
For example
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,
children
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 from urban areas have more
health
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 problems than
children
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 in rural areas because the supply of
such
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drinks
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 is more in cities.
Thus
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, addiction to sugary
drinks
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 harms
children
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's
as well as
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 adults'
health
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.
Sugar
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 when consumed more, can
also
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 lead to tooth problems. Nowadays, Most
children
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 visit the dentist. The main reason for it is the consumption of sweet
products
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 as it damages the teeth.
However
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, restrictions on sugary
products
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 should be made
as well as
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 prices of
sugar
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 and sweet
products
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 should be increased so
people
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 would think twice before buying.
For instance
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, the government have banned some sweet
products
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 and they are creating awareness about
such
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products
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.
Hence
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, with the help of the government
such
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 high-level
sugar
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products
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 can be banned. In conclusion, I adhere that sugary
drinks
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 and food are harmful to
people
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's
health
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 and should be made more expensive to motivate society to consume less
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rucha.khartadkar123 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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