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Band 4.5

Space exploration is too much expensive and the money should be spent on more important things

#space #exploration #money
Nowadays, many scientists try hard to explore
space
 or new planets.
However
,
space
 exploration is too
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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expensive. Many of the
Earth
's population want to spend money on other projects. Personally, I believe that scientists and governments should spend more attention on the exploration of
space
. On the one hand, it is true that humans cannot live on
Earth
 in the future. The main reason is oxygen.
People
 do not notice how their actions
polluted
Wrong verb form
pollute
show examples
 the atmosphere. The next reason is that the
Earth
 cannot provide peace of life for
people
 and soon
Earth
 cannot provide food
such
 as fruits and vegetables. The
last
 important problem is the mineral resources. In
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
 future, we will be faced with problems
such
 as a lack of mineral resources as the World population is growing.
For instance
, one billion
people
 are born in the
last
 decade. It is twice as much as before.
As a result
, the
planet
 will be destroyed by overpopulation.
On the other hand
,
it is clear that
 the majority of the population thinks that exploring the cosmos is very expensive and it
should
Verb problem
would
show examples
 be better if the government
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
this
 money on education, ecology, and to safe
Planet
.
Furthermore
,
this
 is not a bad idea, but it takes more time to educate
people
 who will be safe and protect our
Earth
, and it brings more time to reestablish the ecology and so on. A better way will be to find a new
planet
 for humanity to live in. Some
people
 will continue to live on
Earth
 and some of the populace who want to live on another
planet
 will start a new civilization with a better method. For
sample
Correct your spelling
example
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, the populace knows about the project called
Space
 X.
This
 project made great strides in
space
 exploration, especially since the company is exploring Mars
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
 good consequences.
To sum up
,
although
 many
people
 believe that
this
 investigation is not beneficial for the
people
, personally, I believe that scientists can reach a good result from these activities.
Submitted by ina1_95 on

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task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on providing a more cohesive structure to your essay, using appropriate paragraphing and linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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