IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

A REPORT INDICATED THAT MANY CHILDREN BETWEEN 7 AND 11 SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WATCHING TELEVISION AND / OR PLAY VIDEO GAMES. HOW DOES THE PROBLEM AFFECT THE CHILDREN? WHAT MEASURES CAN BE TAKEN TO CONTROL IT?

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The fact that many children aged 7 to 10 spend most of their
time
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 watching
TV
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 and/or playing computer
games
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 was recently unveiled in research.
This
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 essay aims to investigate how
this
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 phenomenon affects them and put forward a number of solutions. Children’s deteriorating health will be greatly affected by spending too many hours watching
TV
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 and playing
video
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games
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. Prolonging sitting and facing the screen to either watch television or play
video
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games
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 will increase their risk to be overweight as they rarely move and eat junk food most of the
time
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.
In addition
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, children’s eyesight would be decreasing in the long run as the constant light coming from the screen would break the eyes.
Moreover
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, it will
also
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 rise behavioural issues.
TV
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 and computer
games
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 often promote content
that is
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 violent which is not suitable for
kids
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. Too much exposure to violence through media can desensitize them to violence. They might learn to accept violent behaviour as a normal way to solve problems. Minors become more violent to their classmates and push them to be a bully. Fortunately, steps can be taken to improve
this
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 situation.
Firstly
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, parents can set up screen
time
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 for their pupils. By setting a specific duration to watch or play computer
games
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,
kids
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 will have
time
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 to exercise, take a nap, or study.
As a result
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,
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kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
 physical health will get improved in the long run.
Secondly
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, parents should actively participate not only in their studies but
also
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 in their leisure moment. Parents stay by their side
while
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 watching
TV
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 or playing
video
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games
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 by controlling which program to see or which game to install on their smartphones.
For instance
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,
parent
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a parent
the parent
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 can install YouTube for
Kids
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 on their pupil's smartphone
thus
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 they can only access contents that are suitable for their age. In conclusion, watching
TV
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 or playing
video
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games
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 too much may affect teenagers between the age between 7 and 11 in several ways.
However
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, there are two solutions that adults can take to address these problems.

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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