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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the proportions of adults in Canada who own one car, two cars, more than two cars, or who do not own a car. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the proportions of adults in Canada who own one car, two cars, more than two cars, or who do not own a car. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart shows information about the individuals buying
cars
Use synonyms
 in
Canada
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, and who do not own
cars
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. most
people
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 own
cars
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 in
Canada
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 they earn a good income and drive their
cars
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 on the road.
To begin
Linking Words
, most of the prisons in other countries go to
Canada
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 and they earn good
money
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 from their job.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
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 who lived in
Canada
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 past time and they spend luxurious life,
Hence
Linking Words
 buying a car, or who
people
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 their
money
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. I think
this
Linking Words
 is very wrong, because they spend their bill on good things, Just as some
people
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 , do not have
money
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 and belong to poorer families given
money
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some new
people
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 coming to
Canada
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 belong to poor families, and they don't waste their
money
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.
For example
Linking Words
, I am going to
Canada
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 not buying any car, But working hard, For my family only.
This
Linking Words
 is, Because my family spending their
money
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 to send me to
Canada
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 and am not wasting their
money
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,
However
Linking Words
, I give
money
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 to my family, so they loved me very much. In conclusion. I am requesting to new students who come to
Canada
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 not spend and waste their
money
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, in ,fact help their families.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "for example".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cars, canada, people, money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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