The chart below shows the proportions of adults in Canada who own one car, two cars, more than two cars, or who do not own a car. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows information about the individuals buying
cars
in
Canada
, and who do not own
cars
. most
people
own
cars
in
Canada
they earn a good income and drive their
cars
on the road.
To begin
, most of the prisons in other countries go to
Canada
and they earn good
money
from their job.
For example
, some
people
who lived in
Canada
past time and they spend luxurious life,
Hence
buying a car, or who
people
their
money
. I think
this
is very wrong, because they spend their bill on good things, Just as some
people
, do not have
money
and belong to poorer families given
money
.
Moreover
, some new
people
coming to
Canada
belong to poor families, and they don't waste their
money
.
For example
, I am going to
Canada
not buying any car, But working hard, For my family only.
This
is, Because my family spending their
money
to send me to
Canada
and am not wasting their
money
,
However
, I give
money
to my family, so they loved me very much. In conclusion. I am requesting to new students who come to
Canada
not spend and waste their
money
, in ,fact help their families.
Submitted by mahasingh1154 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "for example".
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words cars, canada, people, money with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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