IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are marries or single. some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
It is stated that
employers
 sometimes want to know
employees
' personal
details
 for
applying
Add the preposition
forapplying
show examples
 new job,
for example
, like and dislike, interest and marital
status
 and others argue that these
details
 might be relevant and important. Others believe it is not so significant.
According to
 my ,opinion it is good practice to ask beforehand. During the joining new job majority of the company ask an
employee
 about their behaviour and their marital
status
 .The main reason is that to understand the
employee
 towards his work and ask about marital
status
, it is necessary for some companies because they have to complete their procedures so that, they easily make that particular empl file or data update. As a result
Add a comma
,
show examples
any
employee
is
Correct pronoun usage
who is
show examples
 married and he/she did not mention their
status
 and ,future
employee
needs
Correct pronoun usage
who needs
show examples
 assistance company will fail to fulfil that.
On the other hand
, some people won't be
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 to share about their personal life. As per them if a company is going to give a person they should need to know their professional
details
 because in future they need results ,not resonate interaction. For ,example if an
employee
 doesn't ready to share their personal
details
 and he/she is fit for that particular role because of a particular ,parameter they are not eligible to process
further
request
Fix the agreement mistake
requests
show examples
. As a
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
result
employers
 lose potential
employees
 and the person might bother to share his/ her personal
details
 and not take that thing seriously and mention fake
details
. In my ,opinion asking for personal
details
 is not harming anybody.
However
, it can be asked in
employees'
Correct article usage
the employees'
show examples
 favour too. For ,instance during the form submission
employers
 can mention the option which is "I don't want to disclose". These types of things will ease the
employees
as well as
employers
 will get relevant joiner. In conclusion, sharing personal
details
 may or not affect individuals but giving
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
open options would be good practice in an organisation.
Submitted by championz.sword on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: