IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

To improve the job prospects, some people want the secondery schools to spend more time teaching communication and business skills and spend less time teaching history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #prospects #people #secondery #schools #time #communication #business #skills #history
The phenomenon of
people
 hoping schools can replace
history
 classes with other subjects in order to increase the employment rate of first-graduated
people
 has aroused wide concern among various circles. Divergent as
people
's views on
this
 issue in question may be, I totally agree that the
time
 used on
history
 lessons should be replaced by improving students' communication and
business
skills
. Of all the reasons why schools should spend more
time
 on increasing pupils' social and
business
skills
, probably the most significant one is that those
skills
 can be used in myriad fields of jobs than the knowledge from the past.
For instance
, the experience of characters from historical books cannot help us to solve modern problems
such
 as computer problems that when you use to finish your job.
Therefore
,
business
skills
 are more valuable than
history
 for most jobs. Another reason that should not be overlooked is that communication
skills
 are essential to
people
 whether able to get a job. To illustrate, an interview is a process that candidates prove they are useful and suitable for the company. Logically and clearly speaking can allow the interviewees to transfer their information to the interviewer.
As a result
,
people
 who are good at communicating with others have a higher chance of finding new jobs. Under
this
 line of thinking, spending more
time
 promoting communication and
business
skills
 is more effective than teaching
history
 for students to find a job after school. So, I completely agree with
this
 idea that the
time
 used on historical subjects should be replaced by training the
skills
 that help pupils find a career.
Submitted by frankyimp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: