IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People living in large cities have to face many problems in everyday life. What are those problems? Should the government encourage people to move to regional towns?

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These days, city residents experience several
issues
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 with traffic and housing day by day. Regarding these
problems
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, some argue that the
authority
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authorities
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 of a nation should find ways to move these city dwellers to the countryside. In
this
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 essay, some
problems
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 in large
cities
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 that people routinely face and my opinion about the statement will be discussed. First of all, in terms of
problems
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 in large
cities
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, traffic jams are common because there is a great population who use public transportation or private automobiles.
For instance
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, in order to commute to their offices, almost a quarter of the Seoul residents take any vehicle, which takes forever to get to their destination and results in stress.
Secondly
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, since more people stay in these urban
areas
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such
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 as Seoul and Tokyo, it is difficult to find affordable houses, and it influences the increasing number of homeless.
Thus
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, it is noticeable that there are countless
problems
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 taking place in
cities
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. Consequentially, concerning possible
issues
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 caused by concentration in
cities
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, I agree that the government should look for methods to motivate people to live in rural
areas
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.
In addition
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 to the aforementioned
issues
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, these regions other than Gyeonggi provinces and Busan in South Korea lack young adults, which
then
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 undermines the advancement of these rural
areas
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.
Subsequently
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, the gap between the rich and the poor will grow, which in turn causes social
issues
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such
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 as inequality. In a nutshell, the focus on large
cities
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 has caused
such
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problems
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 like heavy traffic jams and a shortage of accommodation. When additional
issues
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 in the countryside are concerned
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together
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apply
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with those in metropolitan
areas
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, the government should figure out ways to encourage life in rural
areas
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.

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task response
Overall, the essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task. The ideas are well-developed and supported with relevant examples and details.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion. The ideas are logically structured, and there is a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban congestion
  • traffic jams
  • lengthy commutes
  • high cost of living
  • financial strain
  • air pollution
  • noise pollution
  • quality of life
  • green space
  • recreational areas
  • social isolation
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • public services strain
  • overpopulation
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