IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The aging population is good for business, the economy and society. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#population #business #economy #society
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Some people believe that aged people are good at
business
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, the
economy
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 and
society
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.
While
Linking Words
 others disagree.
Although
Linking Words
 the ageing population can't follow modern
trends
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, I believe that their experience, knowledge, and proficiency are keys for
business
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,
economy
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 and
society
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. On the one hand, they are not able to follow present
trends
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 quickly. As the world changes every year with the launching of new technologies, changeable differences in peoples' psychology,
so
Correct word choice
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 the aged population a little bit confused and they can not get used to
this
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 quickly.
For instance
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, the leader of the IBM company is an aged man with vast experience, but the holdings of IBM have decreased
due to
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 his disability of following new
trends
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. Despite the fact that it is hard to maintain modern
trends
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 for them, my perspective is that they are irreplaceable in
business
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,
economy
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, and
society
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due to
Linking Words
 their proficiency.
On the other hand
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, those aged of nationality
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 well-educated and
vast-experienced
Correct your spelling
experienced
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 enough to lead a
business
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 or to be sociable.
That is
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 because not only universities in the past were much stronger than new ones, but
also
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 because they have a large experience within their lives. Take
for example
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Microsofts'
Change noun form
Microsoft's
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 creator Bill Gates, who is now almost 70 years old, and his company which is on the top. If we
hadn't
Verb problem
didn't
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such
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 experienced and proficient identities on our planet, the development would stop.
Therefore
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that
this
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 group of people is essential for
business
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, the
economy
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, and
society
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. In conclusion, the aged population can't follow modern
trends
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 in
such
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 cases, I,
however
Linking Words
, consider that they are parents for
business
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, the
economy
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 and
society
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.
Submitted by prostoy.pacan4ek on

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task response
Ensure your examples and arguments are relevant to the prompt. Make sure to address both sides of the argument equally and provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but try to improve the flow between paragraphs for better coherence. Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
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