The aging population is good for business, the economy and society. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#population #business #economy #society

Some people believe that aged people are good at

business

, the

economy

and

society

While

others disagree.

Although

the ageing population can't follow modern

trends

, I believe that their experience, knowledge, and proficiency are keys for

business

economy

and

society

. On the one hand, they are not able to follow present

trends

quickly. As the world changes every year with the launching of new technologies, changeable differences in peoples' psychology,

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

makes

Correct subject-verb agreement

make

show examples

the aged population a little bit confused and they can not get used to

this

quickly.

For instance

, the leader of the IBM company is an aged man with vast experience, but the holdings of IBM have decreased

due to

his disability of following new

trends

. Despite the fact that it is hard to maintain modern

trends

for them, my perspective is that they are irreplaceable in

business

economy

, and

society

due to

their proficiency.

On the other hand

, those aged of nationality

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

well-educated and

vast-experienced

Correct your spelling

experienced

show examples

enough to lead a

business

or to be sociable.

That is

because not only universities in the past were much stronger than new ones, but

also

because they have a large experience within their lives. Take

for example

Microsofts'

Change noun form

Microsoft's

show examples

creator Bill Gates, who is now almost 70 years old, and his company which is on the top. If we

hadn't

Verb problem

didn't

show examples

such

experienced and proficient identities on our planet, the development would stop.

Therefore

Change the capitalization

show examples

believe that

this

group of people is essential for

business

, the

economy

, and

society

. In conclusion, the aged population can't follow modern

trends

such

cases, I,

however

, consider that they are parents for

business

, the

economy

and

society

Submitted by prostoy.pacan4ek on Thu Jan 26 2023

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task response

Ensure your examples and arguments are relevant to the prompt. Make sure to address both sides of the argument equally and provide more specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but try to improve the flow between paragraphs for better coherence. Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The aging population is good for business, the economy and society. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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