IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#amount #children #effects
Public concern has risen about whether advertising aimed at
children
 should be banned because of
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 negative effects. Since we are living in the information age, everything is digital - including
advertisements
. I tend to believe that advertising aimed at
children
 should be prohibited and in
this
 essay, I will explain why.
To begin
 with,
children
 are easily influenced by
advertisements
.
Due to
 the fact that there are numerous
advertisements
 showing up on television
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 and they cannot be skipped,
kids
 are forced to watch them.
For instance
, a junk food (chips, hamburgers, fizzy drinks…) commercial showed up on TV.
Children
, especially younger ones, might not know that junk food is unhealthy, or they know, but they are deeply convinced by the commercial;
thus
,
this
 could result in the
next
 step of asking (or even forcing) parents to buy the unhealthy food or them secretly buying and eating it.
Secondly
, certain
advertisements
 put
children
's safety at risk. We often see either a written warning under an advertisement related to
stunt
Wrong verb form
stunts
show examples
 or extreme sports, which can be written like “do not do
this
 at home”, or an oral warning. It is common for
kids
 to conceive and think about “what if I do
this
?”.
Consequently
, if
children
, especially ones under ten years old, perceived the message falsely and tried to imitate some dangerous actions done in a commercial, it would be a disaster not only for themselves
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 for parents.
In contrast
, some may think that adverts have a positive side, too. Undeniably, there are a number of
advertisements
 that perceive helpful ideas for
childrens’
Change noun form
children’s
show examples
 mental growth or possess a good message.
However
, these commercials usually show up in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
specific channels for
kids
, the majority of adverts are still exposed to
children
 and may contain a message that
kids
 may not understand correctly.
To sum up
, there is ample reason
suggesting
Change the verb form
to suggest
show examples
 that we should prohibit advertising aimed at
children
 in terms of the negative influence given to them and safety risks. Since the main idea of
advertisements
 is to motivate consumers to purchase them or draw attention to certain actions,
therefore
, adverts surely have a negative impact on
children
.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: