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Band 4.5

Some people believe that modern inventions have more problems as compared to their benefits. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

#people #inventions
In the modern era, scientists play a vital role
to invents
Change preposition
in inventing
show examples
 new things to make
people
's lives better with the influence of technology.
Nevertheless
, some
people
 concur that modern
invention
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a negative impact on society
due to
 several reasons over benefits. In my opinion, the statement does hold valid ground and will expand on more details in the forthcoming paragraphs. First of all, it's impossible to live without modern inventions which make
people
 work easier.
For instance
, every individual now uses a washing machine at their home to wash and dry their clothes is helps them to save precious time and money.
In addition
, the laptop is one of the paramount inventions in every stream which
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 a lot
Change preposition
of
show examples
burden on human resources. To illustrate, during extreme weather conditions, the employee can utilize the work-from-home option to do work and
attends
Correct subject-verb agreement
attend
show examples
 a meeting at their comfortable place. Another fact to consider is that modern
invention
such
 as scuba, and skydiving allows
people
 to experience adventure in their life. In some cases, scientists research go inside the depth of the seawater, learning about other flora creatures.
Furthermore
, automated cars become a trend in the entire world. Even though, the cost of transport is expensive.
people
 are interested
to buy
Change preposition
in buying
show examples
this
 amazing
invention
 which helps them drive vehicles without depending on anyone.
Thus
, the
above
Correct word choice
above-mentioned
show examples
mentioned-reasons
Correct your spelling
reasons
show examples
 as it's clear evidence of the merits of modern
invention
. In recapitulation, I reiterate that there are innumerable strong factors supporting that modern inventions impact
people
's lifestyles in a positive way.
On the other hand
,
people
 are losing jobs
due to
 automated machines.
However
, the benefits of modern
invention
 overweight than adverse.
Submitted by dhivyaravi0396 on

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Task Response
The introduction sets up the writer's opinion and the main points to be discussed. However, there is a need to provide a clearer stance by explicitly stating agreement or disagreement with the statement. Ensure that each supporting paragraph relates directly to the writer's opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a basic logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the development of ideas within paragraphs lacks coherence. Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure with a topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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