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Band 5.5

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them.

#countries #parents #children #home
There are more parents who prefer their
children
 to
study
 at
home
 rather than
school
Change preposition
at school
show examples
, in some countries.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 I disagree
that
Change preposition
with that
show examples
 opinion. Because teachers have
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 experience and structure for
students
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will explain why I think so in an open and understandable way through examples.
To begin
 with,
study
Add an article
a study
show examples
 in
school
students
 can improve
interpersonal
Correct pronoun usage
their interpersonal
show examples
 skills. Since many
students
 of the same age are gathered in the
school
children
 can
learn
Add the particle
tolearn
show examples
 communicate with others and deal with people.
For instance
,
children
 need to share and learn to compromise
while
 they are playing.
Therefore
, kids may develop a sense of selflessness because they consider others more after getting
along with
 a group of people
instead
 of their own family.
On the other hand
,
Add an article
a study
show examples
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
home
Firstly
students
 have a lot of time
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
study
 in
school
. They are spent time
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their family and friends.
Secondly
, parents not used too much money.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 they don't have
a financial problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
financial problems
a financial problem
show examples
.
Finally
, if
children
study
 at
home
 ,they will learn independently and become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independently
Change the adverb
independent
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 throughout
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 life.
For example
, comparing a
home
-educated
child
 with a
school
-educated
child
, a
home educated
Add a hyphen
home-educated
show examples
child
 can think more independently than a
school
-educated
child
. In conclusion, I think
children
 should be in
school
 and there are many good things about it.
In addition
, studying at
school
 develops the
children
's
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 when they
discussing
Wrong verb form
discuss
show examples
 with people. But
home
-schooling
also
 has
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 advantages
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it gives
children
 freedom and independence.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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