Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Artists
play a vital role in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
because of their own imagination. Many pupils claim that they
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
more
freedom
for ideology and the process of
thoughts
Fix the agreement mistake
thought
show examples
.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
others reject
this
notion and believe that it is not appropriate. In my, opinion the position of
freedom
of
artists
appears to be more rational.
This
notion has some advantages and disadvantages. In
this
, essay we will address the negative and positive effects of
this
trend and
thus
will lead to a logical conclusion. There are myriads of reasons which will
further
elaborate
this
argument but the most preponderant fact is imagination is the main weapon in their life
owing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
such
as painters, musicians, and, writers need beyond thinking for their occupation. Another pivotal aspect is the population is fascinated by
artists
and they asked for new adequate content from
artists
.
Furthermore
, a survey conducted by the prestigious
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
of Oxford in London revealed that
artists
who have more
freedom
in their jobs ,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had superior demands of contracts.
Similarly
,
artists
have abilities to improve the quality of their works with
freedom
.
However
, there are some pitfalls that negate these arguments and which can certainly overwhelm the potential influence of
this
trend.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the most alarming one is it is not mandatory that more
freedom
means more development of career
due to
the article published in the eminent newspaper Hindustan Times depicts that hard work is the main key to success.
Besides
, imagination relies on education and experience.
Moreover
, the report printed on the NASA website represents the fact that more
freedom
diminishing society. For, example youngsters feel guilty and angry because of artist's excessive
freedom
.
Additionally
, the government should create new laws for
artists
who have responsibilities to the nation.
To sum up
,
according to
the argument aforementioned above one can reach the conclusion that the perks of more
freedom
are instrumental indeed. The potential drawbacks should not be overlooked either. Both have unique concepts and ideologies.
Submitted by naffey07 on

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coherence and cohesion
Inadequate development of ideas and examples. The essay lacks coherence and fails to maintain a clear logical structure. The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement to effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address the prompt but does not provide clear, comprehensive ideas or relevant specific examples to support the main points. Further development and more relevant illustrations are needed to fully address the task.
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