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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
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The ratio of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 aged 65 or above is expected to change over a hundred-year period, from 1940-2040, and the given line graph captures
this
Linking Words
 transition in three countries USA, Sweden and Japan.
In
Change the preposition
At
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 the beginning of 1940, only 5 out of every 100 Japanese citizens were aged 65 or beyond, but by the end of
1960
Add a comma
,1960
show examples
this
Linking Words
 fraction
Linking Words
further
Add a missing verb
was further
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 reduced to 3 and remained the same until the late 1980s after which
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marginal growth was seen till 2000. Meanwhile, between 1940-1960, the ratio of senior citizens slightly increased from 9 to 10 and 7 to 9, respectively in the USA and Sweden. Both these countries
then
Linking Words
 showcased a similar steady rise over the next two decades ending with 15% and 14% old age people. In the 21st century, there was a noticeable surge in the proportion of
Swedish
Correct article usage
the Swedish
show examples
 old age
population
Use synonyms
, increasing from 15% in 2000 to 20% in 2015, followed by a cool-off period in the subsequent years. During the same duration, America’s elderly
population
Use synonyms
 proportion flattened out
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 14%, only to see a gradual growth from the start of 2018.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in Japan,
this
Linking Words
population
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 have ascended steadily since 2000, and it is expected to skyrocket in a space of
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 years from 10% in 2030 to 25% in 2035 and 27% in 2040.
Similarly
Linking Words
, it is projected that the proportion of old age citizens can soar up to 25% and 23% in USA and Sweden respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, a generic upward trend is observed in the percentages of
senior
Add an article
the senior
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population
Use synonyms
 with an estimate of substantial growth in the coming years.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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