IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #teenagers #dangers #crime
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that some ex-prisoners become normal
people
. I somewhat agree with
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 idea
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 ex-prisoners are allowed to talk to teenagers about
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
show examples
 of committing
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
. In my opinion, teenagers are most likely to listen to a
person
 who has experienced a situation.
Instead
 of criticising some
people
 after his/her completion of imprisonment,
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
 should accept the
person
.
For instance
, individuals go
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 custody for small accusations,
such
people
 have guilt and they try to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Such
 folks should be considered for educating the children with valuable lessons.
Thus
, they convey
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
show examples
 of committing a crime
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 youths so that, teenagers get to know
criminal
Correct article usage
the criminal
show examples
 charges of our country.
On the other hand
,
instead
 of using criminals to educate the young generation, police officers can be a better alternative. They can tell
students
 about what happens to a
person
 who breaks the law and what all criminal charges are present in the
laws
Fix the agreement mistake
law
show examples
. Police visiting the school may benefit the
students
 on a personal level as it is coming directly from a higher authority and the
students
 are scared of police officers.
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 option can be that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 teachers
telling
Wrong verb form
tell
show examples
 children about how to avoid criminal charges and it may be effective. But it would be better
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if documentary films are shown to
students
. Video effects
stays
Change the verb form
stay
show examples
 longer with children. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 adhere that
people
 can change after serving imprisonment and can teach important lessons to
society
Add an article
a society
the society
show examples
 where they can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 to avoid crimes.
Submitted by rucha.khartadkar123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: