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Band 5

The grown of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in town and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

#shops #town #cities
In
this
 contemporary ,world we are living in
capitalism
Replace the word
capitalist
show examples
 conditions. Some people believe that adolescents should have unpaid social
work
 in their free time.
Moreover
, they declare that youngsters can make beneficial things for the community. I firmly disagree with
this
 viewpoint . Undoubtedly, youngsters have a lot of free time.
Hence
, they can do some harmful things,
for instance
, they can visit bars or smoking establishments. Those things can damage their health.
Additionally
, drugs are supposed to have a harmful impact on our health. Adolescents can use drugs and they can distribute
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In my view, they could go to
work
 and gain some skills and money.
The money
Correct article usage
Money
show examples
 is supposed to be a good stimulus
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their life. If we did not give an opportunity to teenagers, they would have bad habits.
Furthermore
, in case the teens get a job, they can gain connections with people who
work
 in reputable companies, which can give help them by providing some references or assisting in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 search for
work
 after graduation.
In addition
, If an adolescent finds a job, he might get good recommendations and it will help him or her to achieve
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
further
 goals quickly compared to the situation without any recommendations.
Moreover
, they can earn a lot of money in adolescence and they can open their own business after graduation. My friend has been doing business since he was in high school
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because he found a job when
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 a teen.
Hence
, he has already reached his goals.
To sum up
, to some extent I agree that youngsters could and should do some community
work
, but I firmly disagree, with the statement that they should
work
 without being paid.
Submitted by danyukvitaliy2015 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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