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Writing Samples
Band 5

The grown of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in town and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

#shops #town #cities
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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary ,world we are living in
capitalism
Replace the word
capitalist
show examples
 conditions. Some people believe that adolescents should have unpaid social
work
Use synonyms
 in their free time.
Moreover
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, they declare that youngsters can make beneficial things for the community. I firmly disagree with
this
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 viewpoint . Undoubtedly, youngsters have a lot of free time.
Hence
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, they can do some harmful things,
for instance
Linking Words
, they can visit bars or smoking establishments. Those things can damage their health.
Additionally
Linking Words
, drugs are supposed to have a harmful impact on our health. Adolescents can use drugs and they can distribute
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In my view, they could go to
work
Use synonyms
 and gain some skills and money.
The money
Correct article usage
Money
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 is supposed to be a good stimulus
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their life. If we did not give an opportunity to teenagers, they would have bad habits.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in case the teens get a job, they can gain connections with people who
work
Use synonyms
 in reputable companies, which can give help them by providing some references or assisting in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 search for
work
Use synonyms
 after graduation.
In addition
Linking Words
, If an adolescent finds a job, he might get good recommendations and it will help him or her to achieve
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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further
Linking Words
 goals quickly compared to the situation without any recommendations.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can earn a lot of money in adolescence and they can open their own business after graduation. My friend has been doing business since he was in high school
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because he found a job when
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 a teen.
Hence
Linking Words
, he has already reached his goals.
To sum up
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, to some extent I agree that youngsters could and should do some community
work
Use synonyms
, but I firmly disagree, with the statement that they should
work
Use synonyms
 without being paid.
Submitted by danyukvitaliy2015 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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