IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people think that having a set a retirement age (e.g. 65 years ) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from earlier retirement?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit
According to
 the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 standard law of Taiwan, as long as workers meet the conditions of "working for 15
years
 and at least 55
years
 old" or "working for 25
years
" in the same business unit, they can apply for employment in accordance with Article 53 of the Labor Standards Law. An employer submits an application for "voluntary retirement".
However
, the average life expectancy of Taiwanese citizens is 80.6
years-old
Correct your spelling
years old
show examples
, in order to strengthen the use of human resources for middle-aged and elderly people and reduce the impact of "decreasing birthrates" on the workforce, experienced and healthy workers will continue to work until the
age
 of 65. I disagree workers retire at an
ealier
Correct your spelling
earlier
age
 unless it is voluntary retirement, or some special career can retire at the
age
 of 55;
For example
: fireman,
police man
Correct your spelling
policeman
show examples
 or athlete who need more body strength need
retire
Fix the infinitive
to retire
show examples
ealier
Correct your spelling
earlier
, these jobs
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 highly physical power.
For me
Change preposition
Me
show examples
, I have dreams of retirement
age
, maybe 40
years
, but I have to buy the lottery.
Submitted by workthing5421 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: