Many children these days face difficulties to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the causes of this situation? What could be the possible solutions?

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A generation ago, children used to be more focused on their tasks not only at school but in general.
However
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, the level of concentration of students at an early age had a sharp drop which is a concern to
parents
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and educational professionals.
This
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essay will look at the reasons for
this
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and propose some solutions. First of all, one of the main causes of the
problem
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is that kids have more distractions than in the past. By
this
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I mean, the
deliberated
Replace the word
deliberate

The word deliberated doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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use of mobile phones and other technological devices raises dopamine levels in their brain and the feeling of pleasure
hence
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is hard to pay attention at school as it does not deliver
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

hormone. The solution is for the responsible ones to reduce the number of hours their youngsters spend on these gadgets and use
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

time towards other
activities
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

which challenge their minds. Another
problem
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is that many pupils often have too many
activities
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during the day. To be more precise, a huge parcel of kids go to school
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then
Correct word choice
and then

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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to other classes, competitions, appointments and other social events,
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

pace leads them to stress and anxiety.
Consequently
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, the capacity of being present in class is hardly impacted. To tackle
this
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issue,
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

must reduce the number of
activities
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

given considering their evaluation in the studies. In conclusion, the level of attention and concentration of many toddlers are being harmed over
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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time
due to
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the increased number of distractions and
activities
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

they have.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is a serious
problem
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, and unless
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

take over their children's routines, their education will suffer significantly. My view is that the main responsibility for solving
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

problem
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

lies in the
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological distractions
  • overloaded curriculum
  • nutritional deficiencies
  • sleep deprivation
  • learning disorders
  • stress and anxiety
  • implementation
  • reform
  • promote
  • policy
  • adequate
  • specialized support
  • resources
  • mindfulness
  • meditation
  • time management
  • screen time
  • cognitive function
  • attention span
  • memory retention
  • consistent sleep schedule
  • extracurricular activities
  • academic expectations
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