You play a team sport with some friends. Last week a member of the team had an accident and wasn’t able to play with you at the weekend. You decide to write to him in the hospital, telling him about the match

#team #sport #friends #week #member #accident #wasn’t #weekend #match

Dear Amber, I hope you are in the pink of your health.

It’s

Unnecessary verb

show examples

has been too long

Correct word choice

since to

show examples

meet you. I am writing

this

letter to inform you that I am moving to your country and I need some help from you regarding finding a

job

. As you know I had finished my graduation in management. now I will come to Canada for my post-graduation. I have taken

admission

Replace the word

admitted

show examples

Change preposition

to in

show examples

Correct your spelling

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MBA in Brampton University. During the time of my study, I really want to do some part-time work because It is quite hard to survive in a foreign country without money.

Apart from

this

, I would like to do a

job

to cover my daily requirement.

Such

as Rent of accommodation fee charges, food and So on. You

also

know about my financial background. So I do not put any extra burden on my family.

Overall

, I think I am enough mature to take care of my expenses

Change preposition

on by

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

own. I send my

C.V

Correct your spelling

to you in your g-mail account. I request you please find a part-time

job

for me which suits my resume. If possible

then

make a list of the various

job

so that when I come there I don’t need to waste my time searching

vacancies

Change preposition

for vacancies

show examples

. Thank you in advance and we do fun together when I will with you. with love, Manpreet.

Submitted by mehwishpeter.est on Sat Jan 28 2023

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

226 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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