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Band 5.5

Some people believe that the government should provide financial assistance to all artists including painters, musicians and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both points of views and give your opinion

#people #government #assistance #artists #painters #musicians #poets #waste #money #points
Some would argue that the
government
 should provide financial aid for painters, musicians, and poets,
while
 others consider that it is a waste of
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 budget.
Although
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 can spend
these
Change the determiner
this money
show examples
money
 in
not
Add an article
a not
the not
show examples
 appropriate way, I believe that assisting them with
money
 is
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 idea because it
hepls
Correct your spelling
helps
 to reveal their potential. On the one hand, when
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
gain
Change the verb form
gains
show examples
 financial support they can spend their
money
 on not art-related goods or services.
This
 is to say, if you imagine being an
artist
 which is provided with
money
 every month, you will be probably thinking why
I
Add a missing verb
do I
show examples
need to do something if I have free
money
 every month and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 doesn't monitor
spending
Correct article usage
the spending
show examples
 of
this
 support
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
For instance
, in Saint-Petersburg
government
 wanted to keep the
art
Replace the word
artistic
show examples
 legacy and
therefore
 to maintain all
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 by financing them, and almost 50% of them spent
money
 on alcohol, drugs,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.
However
, I believe that supporting
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 is crucial and
also
government
 can monitor their assistance.
On the other hand
, supporting artists,
ecpecially
Correct your spelling
especially
artist
 which
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 just entered
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 art, may help them reveal their talent.
That is
 because
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
aren't
Change the verb form
isn't
show examples
 able to afford special equipment for their field
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the start of their career, and by assisting them
them
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
government
 provides them with a golden chance to show their talent. As an example, if
Correct article usage
the Italians'
show examples
Italians'
Change noun form
Italians
show examples
government
 didn't support painters, musicians and poets, cities
such
 as Milan and Roma would not be
such
 cultural and filled with artwork as it is now.
Therefore
, I consider assisting artists as a chance for revealing their talent. In conclusion, art-related workers can spend their incorrectly,
however
, I think that it is important to provide them
financial
Change preposition
with financial
show examples
 aid.
Submitted by prostoy.pacan4ek on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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