Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theater and less time on sport. How far do you agree with this statement?

Nowadays, some
people
deem that young generations have to spend more
time
on cultural
activities
rather than
sports
activities
.
However
, I do not agree with
this
point because it has possible solutions to fix
this
issue
instead
of reducing the activity of
sports
. Reducing the amount of
time
which is spent on
sports
is not a proper way to increase young
people
's attention to cultural
activities
. In
this
era, playing
sports
games
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
many benefits for them
instead
of using technological gadgets frequently.
Also
, doing
activities
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
more healthy of their physical and mental, and develop their community skills to join a social lifestyle.
Therefore
,
people
should use different methods to develop
children
's
art
knowledge.
On the other hand
, spending less
time
on cultural
activities
has some drawbacks,
such
as lessening their knowledge about music,
art
and other cultural
activities
.
Thus
, the proper ways to increase young
people
's attention on cultural
activities
are the parents and teachers should introduce information about
art
, theatre and others to their
children
as they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
younger, and teach them about how to manage their
time
equally on both
sports
and
art
.
To sum up
, some part of the population believe that
children
need to
take
Verb problem
pay
show examples
more attention to cultural
activities
than
sports
, but it has several disadvantages to using
this
method. Even though, we can solve
this
problem in other ways like developing their knowledge about cultural
activities
and teaching them to coordinate their
time
properly when they were
children
.
Hence
, young generations can spend equal
time
on both
activities
.
Submitted by gnandin25 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant arguments both in favor of and against the given statement. However, the response could be more comprehensive and address all aspects of the given prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear introduction and conclusion. However, the ideas could be more cohesively linked, and transitions between paragraphs can be improved for better coherence.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: