Some people encourage young children to leave their parents house as soon as they become adults while other say children should stay at their parents house as long as possible. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

The number of
children
who live with their
parents
after
children
become adults
,
Remove the comma
apply
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is gradually increasing these days. Some argue that
children
should leave their
parents
' house immediately after they become adults
while
others believe that they should stay with their family as they need to support their
parents
. I agree with the former opinion. Some people claim
children
should stay with their family in order to support their
parents
. Considering that
parents
are relatively old and are likely to have health issues easily,
children
are encouraged to take care of them.
For example
, in Japan, a major reason why
children
live with their
parents
is they suffer from diseases
such
as cancer and
children
have to support them.
This
is an example of why some people claim
children
are encouraged to live with their
parents
.
However
, I maintain that
children
should live by themselves once they turn to be adults because
this
enhances their
independency
Replace the word
independence
show examples
for their future lives. Living alone
provides
Verb problem
causes
show examples
them to face various difficulties not only with daily stuff
such
as cleaning and laundry but
also
with paying rent. I can say from my own experience that I learned how to deal with
such
difficulties by living far from my
parents
.
Moreover
, because his
parents
still take care of him, one of my friends is not even incapable of cooking. In conclusion,
children
are encouraged to live alone to be reliable in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
To sum up
, despite there being arguments about
children
living with
parents
, I believe that they should live apart from their
parents
so that they learn how to survive in Today’s complex world.
Submitted by ryohei.1015.golf on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The logical structure of the essay needs improvement.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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