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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In modern society, it is possible to go shopping, work and accommodate via the internet without face to face contact with one another. To what extent do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#society #work #internet #face #contact #development
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There has been a lot of technological
evolvement
Replace the word
evolution
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 in today's society.
This
 leads to reduced
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
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contacts
Fix the agreement mistake
contact
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 in a lot of areas of life. Today I will be discussing the negative aspects of
this
 phenomenon. First of all, technological innovations can be difficult to teach and learn to operate. In the past few decades, the job equipment has changed beyond recognition. Because of that, older employees can find themselves unable to perform under current circumstances. Teaching how to manage the appliances requires more resources, specialists,
improvements
Correct word choice
and improvements
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 in the education system and schools. It is only a matter of time until a certain profession will be discarded as no longer needed and the people involved in it will lose their payment and similar social assurances.
Secondly
, the use of technology can cause various health problems. Most of the working hours are spent inside
due to
 the need to have a power source and certain weather conditions like rain that can damage the devices. Having to spend most of the day indoors decreases the time outside, eliminating walks and other physical activities.
This
 can cause weight gain, high blood pressure and other problems, even
worsen
Wrong verb form
worsening
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ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
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 mental health. Being in the sun
also
 helps to naturally produce vitamin D, which is essential to the human body.
On the other hand
,
innovation
Correct article usage
the innovation
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 of computers and the internet makes communication and a number of tasks way faster
as well as
 more convenient.
For example
,
sometime
Replace the word
some time
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 ago the electric bill needed to be paid in person,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means that to pay one would have to go to a special institution,
wait
Correct word choice
and wait
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 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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line. The ability to do these kinds of tasks online saves time, energy and similar resources. All in all, technological advancements can have a big negative impact so
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be thought out and used wisely.
Submitted by oimigle on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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