IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think museums and art galleries should show works of art and history from their own country rather than from diff erent parts of the world. Do you agree or disagree ?

Some
people
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 argue that
museums
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 and
galleries
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 should display local
works
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 of
art
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 and
history
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 rather than
display
Verb problem
apply
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that
Correct determiner usage
those
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 from other countries. Personally, I disagree with
this
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 point of view. I accept that it is important for
museums
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 and
galleries
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 to show their own countries'
works
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 of
art
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 and
history
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. Local
works
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 of
art
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 and
history
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 are a key part of a nation’s cultural heritage. When
people
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 are exposed to these
works
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, it could deepen their understanding of the thoughts and behaviours of past generations, which can inspire them to relate their current life to the past, enhancing
people
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’s sense of belonging to the country and strengthening cultural identity.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 would be proud of their
culture
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 and have a sense of ownership,
thus
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 becoming more concerned about the environment. They may
therefore
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 be willing to adopt environmentally friendly behaviours
such
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 as taking public transport, recycling waste and saving water,
thus
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 contributing to improving the environment.
However
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, showing
works
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 of
art
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 and
history
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 from other nations in
museums
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 and
galleries
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also
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 has its own benefits. Since every
culture
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 has its own shortcomings and stereotypical views,
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therefore
Rephrase
apply
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if
people
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 are only shown their own
culture
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, it would restrict their horizons.
By contrast
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, if
people
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 are exposed to a different
culture
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 in
museums
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 and
galleries
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, they may learn a new way of thinking,
thus
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 contributing to cultivating creative thinking. When
people
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 are faced with a problem, they might consider it from different angles,
thus
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 developing their problem-solving skills
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can be applied in many areas
such
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 as working, studying and dealing with practical problems like fixing bikes. In conclusion,
although
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 showing local
works
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 of
art
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 and
history
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 in
museums
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 and
galleries
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 imperative, I believe that other nations’
works
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 of
culture
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also should
Correct word order
should also
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 be displayed in local
museums
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 and
galleries
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 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
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 to
people
Use synonyms
’s creative thinking and problem-solving skills.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction presents a clear opinion, and you have a strong thesis statement. Consider adding more background information about the topic to set the context better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has good paragraphs, but ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence. This will help guide the reader more effectively.
Task Achievement
Try to give more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention a specific museum or exhibit that shows the benefits of displaying diverse cultures.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion that you support throughout the essay. This is important for the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical progression of ideas, which helps the reader follow your arguments easily.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • national heritage
  • promote
  • preserve
  • cultural diversity
  • global understanding
  • educate
  • inspire
  • exhibits
  • foreign
  • tourism
  • balance
  • comprehensive
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