IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

some think schools should rewards students who have the best academic results, while others think it's more important to reward students who achieve other types of success(such as sports, music). Discuss both views and give your opinion

#think #schools #rewards #students #results #reward #success #sports #music
Opinions are divided as to whether institutions ought to provide the awards to a good-grade student rather than children who have talents in other skills, like music or sports. Despite the fact that the idea of prizing to a good score student is a more efficient way to support, other achievements
also
 should be encouraged. In
this
 essay, I will describe both viewpoints and give my own opinion. On the one hand, there are various reasons why schools should reward the
students
 who have the best academic result.
Firstly
, providing awards is one way to deal with the education system because of creating role models for other
students
. If a teenager who has a bad academic result obtains advice and inspiration from their idol's friends, he will have much more encouraged to learn and
also
 be enthusiastic to be like them.
Moreover
, the reward is the best motivation for adolescents to attempt to have good grades,
for instance
, when I was a high school student, my father told me that if I have a good score, he will give the money to me for purchasing stuff.
This
 leads me to be keen on studying.
On the other hand
,
students
 who have an ability in sports and music do not mean that worse academic performances. Those teenagers should deserve the awards for supporting their talents.
In addition
, every younger generation has a capability in each part,
for example
, though adolescents may not have an aptitude for education, they have a skill in football which may lead to be football players if they are supported by an institution, resulting in encouragement and fame. In conclusion, even though rewarding good grades to
students
 is one idea to support their diligence, I strongly believe that institutions
also
 should encourage all the other talents which lead their
students
 to succeed in their dreams.
Submitted by phawanakleesuwan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic results
  • intellectual achievements
  • motivates
  • high grades
  • intellectual pursuits
  • sports achievements
  • music achievements
  • well-rounded development
  • self-confidence
  • inclusivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: