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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Experts say older people were happier and healteir in the past because they did more excercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems.

In the current world,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family relationship has been decreasing currently and
people
Use synonyms
 do not spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their elderly as compared to the past so elder
people
Use synonyms
 feel lonely,
unhappy
Correct word choice
and unhappy
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, their
health
Use synonyms
 is seen detrimentally.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide reasons to old
people
Use synonyms
 feel bad and give some solutions to solve
this
Linking Words
 circumstance. One of the reasons of elderly suffer from loneliness and
health
Use synonyms
 issues is forgetting the importance of family
relationships
Use synonyms
. In the past, all families lived together and when they suffer from something or feel sick, they can get support from their family.
However
Linking Words
, today,
people
Use synonyms
 seek their needs from their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 and they want to handle
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 own.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 had
interrupting
Wrong verb form
interrupted
show examples
 their
relationships
Use synonyms
 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family during
this
Linking Words
 period.When
people
Use synonyms
 become older, they can not help from their family so they feel alone.
Secondly
Linking Words
,in the modern world,
people
Use synonyms
 do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 for family because they work for their
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
 crazily. In
this
Linking Words
 way,
people
Use synonyms
 can not visit their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,they can not create
time
Use synonyms
 for calling.
Therefore
Linking Words
, elder
people
Use synonyms
 do not help from their
children
Use synonyms
 to fight loneliness and
finally
Linking Words
, their
health
Use synonyms
 becomes worse. There are two solutions which are teaching
children
Use synonyms
 to how important
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
family
relationships
Use synonyms
and
Add a missing verb
are and
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 need to call their
parents
Use synonyms
. First of all,
people
Use synonyms
 do not have
time
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 as mentioned before so their relations
strong
Change the word
strongly
show examples
 decrease over
time
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 ought to teach how important
relationships
Use synonyms
as
Add a missing verb
are as
show examples
 early as possible
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason and in the future, they will not face
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 have responsible.
For instance
Linking Words
, call their
parents
Use synonyms
 to know their
health
Use synonyms
,problems etc.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the elderly do not think that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am alone or feel upset.
Moreover
Linking Words
.
children
Use synonyms
 have to visit their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 at least twice a year because these are our family and they raised us. In short, if
children
Use synonyms
 learn the importance level of family
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 and they spent
time
Use synonyms
 with them,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be solved easily. To sum ,up everything that has been stated so far, elder
people
Use synonyms
 feel alone and their
health
Use synonyms
 problems getting significant because
people
Use synonyms
 forget how important family relations are and
people
Use synonyms
 do not catch
time
Use synonyms
 for spending
time
Use synonyms
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 spend
time
Use synonyms
 with family and learn how important family
relationships
Use synonyms
 are, elderly the elderly do not feel alone and upset.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • technological advancements
  • work culture
  • urbanization
  • geographical separation
  • mental health stigma
  • traditional family structures
  • intergenerational living
  • physical activity
  • social interactions
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