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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centers provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#families #parents #members #grandparents #care #children #childcare #centers
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Children
Use synonyms
 are the living
jewelry
Change the spelling
jewellery
show examples
, all
parents
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 world want the best for their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
 they work hard to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
’s needs.
A
Change preposition
In a
show examples
 study conducted by Diponegoro University in 2018, published
in
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on
show examples
 SINTA’s website,
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
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 of
parents
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 in Semarang, both father and mother working. It causes
parents
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need
Add the particle
to need
show examples
 someone to take care of their child. Some
parents
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 prefer to place their heir with their family
members
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,
such
Linking Words
 as grandmother, and aunt.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they trust a
childcare
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center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 with many facilities for their child. Family
members
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 have been a part of
children
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 since they are born and would be important for the offspring to be surrounded by a family atmosphere. Relations between
hence
Linking Words
 and family
members
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 make
children
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 grow up in a positive way and it
also
Linking Words
 makes bonds between family
members
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more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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tight. Not only that, scions might adapt easily since who
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
show examples
 care is their family
members
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. One clear example is that grandparents put more effort into their
grandchild
Fix the agreement mistake
grandchildren
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hence
Linking Words
 they can gain memorable activities and make them a good example for their grandchildren. From an economic perspective, asking for help from families is cheaper, maybe even free and
this
Linking Words
 could help
parents
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 to reduce household
spend
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spending
show examples
. On the one hand,
childcare
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center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
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 have a great environment for our
children
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 both educational and
psychologically
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psychological
show examples
 that helps them to polish up their language and communication skills. Another benefit of
childcare
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center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
 is they have facilities
such
Linking Words
 as
play ground
Correct your spelling
playground
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 which can use by scions to play and there they can meet new friends.
However
Linking Words
, offspring might be difficult to fit
with
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into
show examples
 a new environment since they meet new people and need to interact with other
children
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. All of that advantage is not free,
parents
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 need to
paid
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pay
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 in some amount to
childcare
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organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 so
this
Linking Words
 option is not suitable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
poor
Add an article
a poor
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family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is opined that
childcare
Use synonyms
 organizations assist
children
Use synonyms
 to enhance themselves with the help of staff, I support those who believe that keeping them at home is better in many aspects.
Submitted by muh.yassirullah on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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