Social media is becoming increasingly popular among st all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Social media is becoming an essential part of our lives, in
which
we have possessed these magical tools for less than 30 years. Eating a mediocre breakfast, travelling to a city that local folk hate, or taking a photo in front of a tourist site as millions of people did could be a normal post that was made tons trillions of times every day on social networks. We love it, enjoy it and discard the consideration of privacy protection and risks. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Nevertheless
, the Internet gave us huge advantages but also
put humankind in dangerous circumstances as well.
Firstly
, without protection, personal information is spread everywhere under Social Engineering Tools. For example
, an illegal copy of Social Engineering (leaked personal data) is sold cheaply on the underground market, in which individuals' passwords, bank accounts, credit card info, and home addresses are listed in a mega text file without being encrypted. That is
a huge risk for everyone, not only the loss of money but also
the safety of life and family members.
Furthermore
, surfing the web and posting or commenting on social media are the main activities of our routine life for most society in their leisure time from morning to midnight. Like playing TikTok, endless scrolling by fingers to watch videos instead
of reading or walking kills our mental activities and our body's health. In China, a
latest research shows over 69% of high school students spend more than 8 hours on their smartphones, causing serious family problems and making teenagers lack body exercise.
Change the article
the
However
, social media is a revolutionary invention in the history of human beings, but everything has a double edge. The human species always like
to try things that look interesting and fun but are very harmful. There are too many examples of Correct subject-verb agreement
likes
this
. The widespread popularity of social networks means a vague and unknown future.Submitted by nordenbox on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows some relevant points, but they are not well-organized or well-supported. Additionally, there are some grammar and punctuation issues that affect clarity. You should work on structuring your essay more cohesively and providing more relevant and specific examples to support your points. Consider revising the essay to ensure all ideas are presented clearly and logically.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task but lacks depth and coherence in presenting your ideas. Try to develop your ideas more thoroughly, providing clearer reasoning and supporting examples. Your grammar and punctuation also need improvement for clarity and coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!