IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Government should focus thier spending in public service rather than on arts such as music and painting. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#government #focus #thier #service #arts #music
It has long been argued that the prime
resposibity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of the Government is to serve the
people
,
whereas
 others believe that cultural activities should be emphasized by the Authority. In my opinion,
state
Add an article
the state
show examples
 should promote arts and culture
along with
 providing common goods.
According to
 the experts, creative works like drawing and singing help
people
 in the process of development
as well as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
boosts working capacity. Here, the following paragraphs aim to highlight some of the arguments in favour of my viewpoint. To start with, entertainment is one of the fundamental human rights. Since the ancient period of human civilization,
people
 are writing songs; making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tones which reflect their life. In fact,
people
's lives are inextricably linked with art.
In addition
, these preserve a nation's history.
Moreover
, when an individual involves in art, it gives him or her pleasure. So, if the section is subsidised, the state's citizens can get more opportunities to contribute as a painter or as a poet.
Likewise
, promoting arts and culture should accelerate a country's economy. Different studies show that involving in cultural activities in laser time increases the capacity of working. It helps to calm the nerves, reduce stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 and boost energy.
Furthermore
,
painting
Fix the agreement mistake
paintings
show examples
 can be sold
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 or can be exhibited in foreign museums or events. In a nutshell, artistic works are the biggest wealth of a nation. These activities
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 only important for an individual's cognitive development but
also
 for national growth.
Hence
, I firmly believe that if it is
priorityzed
Correct your spelling
prioritised
 simultaneously with public goods and services, it can strengthen a country economically and culturally.
Submitted by rishi.seehra on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: