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Band 7.5

In some countries, more and more adults choose to continue to live with their parents after they graduate and have found jobs. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

#countries #adults #parents #graduate #jobs #trend
An increasing number of university graduates who have gained employment still reside with their
parents
. I strongly agree that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. One of the advantages is fewer financial concerns.
While
 young people who are around twenty-five years old, cannot afford to make ends meet by themselves
due to
 a low salary and
a
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higher housing costs, they would not need to expend their
money
 on housing by living with another person including their
parents
. In my country,
for example
, the average housing cost is around 100 thousand yen per month, which is equal to half of the average salary of 20-30 years old.
However
, there are many drawbacks to living with their
parents
, one of which is the lack of social independence. Even though children do not expect their
parents
 to do some household chores ,
such
 as cleaning and cooking, their
parents
 tend to be willing to do these things.
Moreover
, these circumstances deteriorate young people’s individual minds, and they can not cope with crucial issues, including
money
 concerns. In my country, one of the social issues is related to these people, who do not work and rely on their
parents
 in terms of
money
. Another key drawback is the degradation of the
marriage
 rate. The individuals who are selected to live with their
parents
, tend to stay there for a long time, and it leads to a decreased awareness of the need for
marriage
 because they are sufficient with their lives in terms of living, and they do not feel lonely. In the rural area of Japan,
for instance
, young women tend to stay with their
parents
, and the
marriage
 rate is degenerating. In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that the drawbacks of living with their
parents
, which contribute to the deteriorating of young adults’ independencies and falling the
marriage
 rate prevail over the benefits which are related to the dissolution of
money
 concerns.
Submitted by t.watpot216 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • intergenerational
  • economic stability
  • cohabitation
  • living arrangements
  • financial autonomy
  • student loans
  • emotional stability
  • transitional phase
  • career development
  • self-reliance
  • independence
  • tension
  • values
  • lifestyles
  • personal space
  • autonomy
  • financial burden
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