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Band 5.5

In some countries, more and more adults choose to continue to live with their parents after they graduate and have found jobs. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

#countries #adults #parents #graduate #jobs #trend
Nowadays, the number of individuals who have decided to live with their
parents
 even after graduating is increasing. I suppose that
this
 decision has more negative effects, in which individuals cannot become independent persons than these
of
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apply
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positive, in which
people
 do not
be worry
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worry
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 about their living costs. On the one hand, it is
obligation
Add an article
an obligation
the obligation
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 for adults to live independently, and
to become
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becoming
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independence
Replace the word
independent
show examples
 is the key to adapt
this
 society faster.
However
, if
people
 select to live with their
parents
 after graduating, they tend to rely on
parents
, who serve not only
housings
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housing
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,
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apply
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 but
also
from
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apply
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daily meals to
cleaning
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clean
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 the rooms.
As a result
, these
people
 would be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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parson
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person
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 who cannot survive without their
parents
. In my country,
for instance
, there are many adults who live with their
parents
, and some of them depend on their
parents’
Correct your spelling
parent’s
show examples
 income.
Additionally
, those
people
 become not being able to communicate with other coworkers because they do not need to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relationships with others unless they are in their homes. These persons are called “NEAT”, and
this
 phenomenon is one of the social problems.
On the other hand
,
to share
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sharing
show examples
 a home leads to
serve
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serving
show examples
 citizens’
money
.
To live
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Live
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 alone, there is
a
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apply
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financial difficulty, especially
housing
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in housing
show examples
cost
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costs
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. To illustrate, lending
house
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a house
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 costs around 100
thousands
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thousand
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 yen per month, which accounts for
a
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apply
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half of individuals’ monthly
wage
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wages
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 in Japan. The timing at which young
people
 start their jobs, it is inevitable to ask their
parents
 to support their
money
.
As a consequence
, living with their
parents
 is one of the
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
 for
money
 issues.
However
,
these person
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this person
these people
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, who live with their
parents
, have the possibility
not
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of not
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to make
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making
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 a living by
myself
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themselves
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 permanently. On balance, the drawbacks of living with
parents
, which affect
on
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apply
show examples
people
’s
independency
Correct your spelling
independence
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 outweighs the benefit, which
solve
Change the verb form
solves
show examples
money
 concerns.
Submitted by t.watpot216 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • intergenerational
  • economic stability
  • cohabitation
  • living arrangements
  • financial autonomy
  • student loans
  • emotional stability
  • transitional phase
  • career development
  • self-reliance
  • independence
  • tension
  • values
  • lifestyles
  • personal space
  • autonomy
  • financial burden
What to do next:
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