IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Schools concentrate far too much on traditional subjects which do not adequately prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern working world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #subjects #students #demands #world
At present,
schools
 give more emphasis on teaching traditional
knowledge
 rather than teaching their
students
 practical
knowledge
 which they will need in later
life
. Traditional
subjects
  do not come in handy when it is time for the modern working world.
This
 essay completely agrees with the above statement because traditional
subjects
 do not teach us about the realistic demands of the modern world.
Firstly
, traditional
subjects
 like maths, physics, and chemistry help us to educate and enhance our 
knowledge
 but it does not help us to know the basic needs of the modern world. It does not teach us how to save money, how to pay the bills or how to be a good citizen.
Although
schools
 concentrate more on teaching these traditional
subjects
 to their
students
 it does not teach them how to lead a proper
life
 .
For example
, a bright student may not be able to do good in
life
due to
 a lack of practical
knowledge
. He may have huge
knowledge
 about traditional
subjects
 but he will not be able to succeed in
life
 if he does not have practical
knowledge
.
Moreover
, one who has
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 command of  traditional
subjects
 will not be able to get  a job in future if he does not have practical and technical
knowledge
 . Technical skills help us in future to lead a better
life
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
schools
 do not concentrate on.
Furthermore
, most of the
schools
 do not have their own playground,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 their
students
 do not get to know about the  importance of maintaining their health. All in all, the
subjects
 in which
schools
 give more emphasis on  teaching do not prepare the
students
 for their later
life
.
As a result
, they fall behind in the future and could not succeed.
Submitted by nislam1803 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: