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Band 2

The number of prisoner in thousands in five different countries from 1930 to 1980

#prisoner #thousands #five #countries
The bar chart illustrates
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of prisoners from 1930 to 1980. It can be seen that America was the country whose the highest imprisonment,
while
 the least was Great Britain.
In addition
,
prisoned
Correct article usage
the prisoned
show examples
 individuals' population in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 seems
fluctuated
Change the verb form
to fluctuate
show examples
, but Canada
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
growth
Replace the word
grown
show examples
. Throughout the period,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 saw a fluctuation
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 imprisonment
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
, ranging between over 90 and under 140
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1970 and the subsequent year, respectively.
On the contrary
,
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of
incarcenated
Correct your spelling
incarcerated
 people in the UK escalated from about 30 to slightly over 80 thousand. In 1930,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of jailed people in Canada was exactly at 100
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it fell drastically in
year
Add an article
the year
a year
show examples
 after by more than 50
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and ended with approximately 50 thousand
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period.
This
 was similar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Australia's figure
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 decreased from about 70 to 50
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
, which registered a growth in
couple
Change the article
a couple
show examples
 of years from 1950 before it began to
went
Change the verb
go
show examples
 down again.
Following
this
, jailed people's population in New Zealand plummeted for 2 years after the first year of the period by 50
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
. After that, it had
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
growth to over 60
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
, before the prisoners declined to about 50
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and the overall essay should lead the reader smoothly from the introduction through each point to the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly states the topic and a conclusion to summarize the main points. This helps to frame your essay and provide closure for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with relevant data and examples. Elaborate on the data by comparing figures, stating trends, and providing explanations or reasons where applicable.
task achievement
Fully address the task given. Make sure to cover all points required by the prompt, providing a clear and comprehensive response.
task achievement
Ideas should be presented clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea to avoid confusion.
task achievement
Use specific examples and references to data where relevant to illustrate your points and make your essay more informative.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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