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Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers
Nowadays,
people
 are confused about who decently predicated with predicate the most successful person, whether affluent individuals who possess a huge amount of
money
 or humans with big contributions to society
such
 as scientists and teachers. Obviously, in my perspective, rich human beings have the same chance to contribute to the community,
whereas
 they are not involved directly. On the one hand, wealth is an important aspect that humans must have since it could determine their future
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Because of that,
people
 tend to work hard to earn
money
for becoming
Change preposition
to become
show examples
 successful and
pursuing
Wrong verb form
pursue
show examples
 their welfare. Because with finance, they could fulfil their needs
such
 as education, entertainment, and residency
for ensuring
Change preposition
to ensure
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 their
life
 runs .
Moreover
, wealthy individuals might share their income to charity and community service
for spreading
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to spread
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 the expedience.
For instance
, Bilgates as the richest person in the world allocated his
money
, accounting for 60 billion dollars when the pandemic happened, for inventing vaccines and increasing public health globally.
On the other hand
,
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
 to communities directly, like scientists and teachers,
gives
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a more obvious impact on society, since they
possess
Verb problem
play
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 a big role in upgrading human
life
. Without them, human beings have a tendency to stick to a point and no improvement as their contributions are fundamental aspects of human civilization.
Furthermore
, satisfaction from the public can arise, if they will have a better quality of
life
 in education, health, and economics. So, many
people
 assume that becoming instructors and scholars will be predicated as noble
people
due to
 their sacrifice.
For example
, in Japan, students are interested
to be
Change preposition
in being
show examples
 a teacher because they think that teaching is a precious job and successfully help the community.
However
, I argue that contributing still needs
money
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 sure it continues successfully. In conclusion, even though researchers and preceptors have a big role in improving human beings, without funding from wealthy individuals It does not work significantly. If possible, they could collaborate
for reaching
Change preposition
to reach
show examples
 a bigger impact.
Submitted by muh.yassirullah on

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Introduction & Task Response
Ensure introduction presents a clear thesis statement and address all aspects of question prompt fully.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a clearer and more logical structure in the body paragraphs, with one main idea per paragraph and cohesive devices to connect ideas.
Main Points Development
Main points need clearer development and explanation. Avoid overgeneralizations without sufficient support.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial prosperity
  • capitalizing
  • luxury travel
  • exclusive experiences
  • contributions to society
  • humanitarian workers
  • lasting impact
  • highly subjective
  • cultural, societal, and personal values
  • comfort and security
  • deeper personal satisfaction
  • holistic understanding
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