The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
diagram below visualizes the cycle to produce
sugar
from
sugar
cane
. There are seven steps (growing, harvesting, crushing, purifying juice, evaporating, centrifuging, drying, and cooling) to make
sugar
which is derived from
sugar
canes. 
Overall
, these steps can be done by both humans and equipment. It started by growing
sugar
cane
which takes time between 12 and 18 months, depending on the weather or the farming methods.
The next step is
harvesting, it could be done by men or tractors. Harvesting by tractors will be much easier and more efficient,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
the quality of
this
sugar
cane
can be affected, as it cannot separate the good ones. Crushing the
sugar
cane
with the machine is the next step after harvesting, it produces juice which will be filtered and evaporated. The evaporating process needs some heat to transform juice becomes virgin syrup which still contains a few crystals that have to be separated through the centrifuge process. In a nutshell, the mixture of
sugar
and syrup is degraded into two different substances by drying and cooling. The final product of
this
whole process is a solid substance
also
known as
sugar
.
Submitted by syafiramdr on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cane with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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