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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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Graph
Add an article
The graph
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 illustrated above shows the
birth
Use synonyms
 statistic of
people
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
Autralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 and individuals who do not in 3 different areas
such
Linking Words
 as cities, towns and rural at the time interval from 1995 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
urbanized
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the urbanized
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
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 the given period,
in contrast
Linking Words
, there is
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
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 decreasing trend
Correct pronoun usage
that occured
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occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
birth
Add an article
the birth
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 rate of towns. Even more,
Use synonyms
birth
Add an article
the birth
a birth
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 rate
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rural area
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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has been significantly reduced over the 15 years.
Firstly
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,
portion
Add an article
a portion
the portion
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 born in cities was preserved whose
percentage
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 was the highest
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1995 and
also
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2010,
however
Linking Words
, there is noticeable increment was observed that
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased by 20% in 2010 compared to data in 1995 both
birth
Use synonyms
of in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and outside
Autralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
number
Change the article
the number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 born in
villagies
Correct your spelling
villages
village
 has decreased by at least 5% in all categories at the given time period. Even
tough
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 change is relatively tiny when it is compared to
decline
Correct article usage
the decline
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
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 of
birth
Use synonyms
 in rural
ares
Correct your spelling
areas
.
Use synonyms
Birth
Add an article
The birth
A birth
show examples
 rate
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 in
people
Use synonyms
 born in
australia
Change the capitalization
Australia
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 and outside
australia
Change the capitalization
Australia
show examples
fallen
Wrong verb form
fell
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 from 30 and 40 % to 15
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
5% respectively which was
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 noteworthy alteration among the other statistics.
Submitted by iheeihbayar1 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, people, percentage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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