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Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Agree or disagree?

#people #money #factor #happiness
According to
 many
people
, prosperity is the single key to enjoying life,
while
 others suggest that prosperity has no connection with
happiness
 and I agree with the same.
This
 essay will support my opinion.
Firstly
, following a famous saying that cash can never buy
happiness
 and it is a fact. Every rich person is not a happy person. Staying at ease with the blessings of God leads to peace of mind and soul. Simplicity is the best way to describe
happiness
. To illustrate, in our surroundings the majority of
people
 are in the manpower class and they are the most cheerful ones, peaceful and happy even with no money.
On the other hand
, with the growing trend of globalization and improvement, everyone is behind wealth as many
people
 believe that being wealthy is the only goal of their life that gives them satisfaction. Hereafter, it depends on the nature of society followed by
such
people
 who prefer to expose their assets to gain the popularity that eventually gives them
happiness
.
People
 consider the admiration attained by their wage as a happy moment, but in
actuality
Add a comma
actuality,
show examples
 it is not true.
For example
, rich
people
 feel proud of their luxurious lifestyle and branded things. They feel happy with
assets
Correct pronoun usage
their assets
show examples
 and
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
. In conclusion, I would say all wealthy
people
 are happy and poor
people
unhappy
Add a missing verb
are unhappy
show examples
. Criteria of satisfaction are different for all and cash is not linked with
happiness
. Meet up with your caring family or maybe your best friend will make your life full of
happiness
.
Submitted by inka.r.purba on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and focus. The logical structure needs improvement to effectively present the argument.
task achievement
The essay partially responds to the prompt but lacks clarity and a clear argument. There is a need for more comprehensive ideas and development of the points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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