Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Agree or disagree?

#people #money #factor #happiness

According to

many

people

, prosperity is the single key to enjoying life,

while

others suggest that prosperity has no connection with

happiness

and I agree with the same.

This

essay will support my opinion.

Firstly

, following a famous saying that cash can never buy

happiness

and it is a fact. Every rich person is not a happy person. Staying at ease with the blessings of God leads to peace of mind and soul. Simplicity is the best way to describe

happiness

. To illustrate, in our surroundings the majority of

people

are in the manpower class and they are the most cheerful ones, peaceful and happy even with no money.

On the other hand

, with the growing trend of globalization and improvement, everyone is behind wealth as many

people

believe that being wealthy is the only goal of their life that gives them satisfaction. Hereafter, it depends on the nature of society followed by

such

people

who prefer to expose their assets to gain the popularity that eventually gives them

happiness

People

consider the admiration attained by their wage as a happy moment, but in

actuality

Add a comma

actuality,

show examples

it is not true.

For example

, rich

people

feel proud of their luxurious lifestyle and branded things. They feel happy with

assets

Correct pronoun usage

their assets

show examples

and

finance

Fix the agreement mistake

finances

show examples

. In conclusion, I would say all wealthy

people

are happy and poor

people

unhappy

Add a missing verb

are unhappy

show examples

. Criteria of satisfaction are different for all and cash is not linked with

happiness

. Meet up with your caring family or maybe your best friend will make your life full of

happiness

Submitted by inka.r.purba on Thu Feb 02 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and focus. The logical structure needs improvement to effectively present the argument.

task achievement

The essay partially responds to the prompt but lacks clarity and a clear argument. There is a need for more comprehensive ideas and development of the points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

255 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Some people think that is better to work alone and others think that is better to work in a team. Which do you prefer? Give reasons and details to support your opinion.

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree? Give your reason.

People today are spending more and more time outside of the home. What are the reasons for this trend? What effects is it having on individuals and society?

The internet has become profoundly efficient and popular that people choose it as a platform to learn. Some believe that it would eventually replace the need for books. Do you agree or disagree?