IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

17.It is better if an extended family (for example, aunts, uncles, grandparents) are involved in a child’s upbringing than just parents alone. Do you agree or disagree?

#aunts #uncles #grandparents #child’s #upbringing #parents
Family plays an important role in the
overall
 development of a
child
. Being a part of a big family not only inculcates
life
's morals but
also
 teaches the .
However
, the involvement of distant family members is vital but
parent's
Correct article usage
the parent's
show examples
 guidance is more significant.
Firstly
, when the kids are brought up in an extended family they do not have freedom of speech in the house. Because of more
life
 experience older people take
life
 decisions for themselves. Even
thoughthey
Correct your spelling
though they
 are not completely wrong it makes the
child
 vulnerable and dubious.
For instance
, sometimes
due to
 family pressure youngsters enter a career path, in which they are not interested and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
future regret the decision.
This
 makes their professional
as well as
 personal
life
 miserable.
Secondly
, if upbringing is done in a nuclear family
child
 gets more personal space to speak and express his or her opinions.
Parents
 can give all their attention and guidance to their offspring. In today's broad-minded world, youth wants to be accepted the way they are and
this
 is possible only in a close knight family. In my personal experience, the
child
 becomes independent and self-sufficient, when he realises the efforts of his or her
parents
.
Single
Add an article
The single
A single
show examples
child
 knows the
responsibiliity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of their
parents
 and their well-being. To recapitulate,
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 is pampered and always told what to do by aunts and uncles in a family which makes them dependent on others for
life
.
Whereas
, being raised by
parents
 only gives a sense of independence and
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 resilience.
Submitted by Aishwarya  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: