IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is easier for wealthy people to maintain food health than it is for people who do not have large amounts of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #food #health #amounts #money
Keeping healthy is one of
good
Add an article
the good
show examples
 ways to
blessing
Change the form of the verb
bless
show examples
 your life.
People
 said that rich
people
 are more capable to take care of their
health
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
. I agree that
people
 with a lot of
money
 could be more healthy than others who
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not enough
money
 because maintaining
health
 is not cheap. Maintaining well
health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 is need a lot of
money
.
People
 should pay for every reason to aim the good body
health
.
For example
, healthy
food
 is more expensive than unhealthy
food
 in our country.
Then
,
people
 need to pay more for non-pesticide vegetables, clean
food
, etc.
This
condition
 can not happen if
people
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have enough
money
 and end up
buy
Change the form of the verb
buying
show examples
an unhealthy
Remove the article
unhealthy food
a portion of unhealthy food
show examples
food
. Generally,
health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 related to
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 environment.
People
 demand
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 environment to live
such
 as
clean
Add an article
a clean
show examples
 and wide
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
.
For example
, a healthy
house
 is a
house
 with enough
people
 every 4 square meters,
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good ventilation and
clean
Correct article usage
a clean
show examples
 floor. Other
people
 might
be think
Change the verb form
think
show examples
money
 does not have
correlation
Add an article
a correlation
show examples
 with healthy. Some
modification
Fix the agreement mistake
modifications
show examples
 can help
people
 stay healthy even without enough
money
. But,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 still
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
money
 to keep in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
health
condition
, like
routine
Add an article
a routine
show examples
check
Fix the agreement mistake
checks
show examples
up to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 doctors, maintain a clean
house
, and be consistent
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 eating nice/clean/healthy
food
. In conclusion,
money
 can be a
determine
Change the verb form
determining
show examples
 factor for
people
 to keep healthy.
The healthy
Correct article usage
Healthy
show examples
food
 and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 nice
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 are beneficial factors to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 well body
condition
. I strongly approved that
people
 need
money
 to keep
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 best
health
 state.
Submitted by ekaagut on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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