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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
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The advancement of
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and technology, in my opinion, have a positive impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 raising
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society's quality of life, and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
awareness about
health
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 in general.
That is
Linking Words
 why, I disagree with the notion that
people
Use synonyms
 will have a lower standard for their
health
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 in the
future
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the trends actually indicate the opposite is true. In recent years, the government has been working
together with
Linking Words
 various stakeholders in improving the quality of the
healthcare
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 system, and a more comprehensive
health
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 insurance system has
also
Linking Words
 been developed to provide easier access to
healthcare
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 for all levels of society. We actually see more and more
people
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 visiting clinics or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nearby hospital to get treatments for their
health
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 conditions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, millennial parents
also
Linking Words
 have more positive attitudes towards vaccination for their children compared to parents in the past, many of whom were wary towards medical care or vaccines
due to
Linking Words
 their limited understanding. As
this
Linking Words
 trend is most probably going to continue
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
future
Use synonyms
, the
health
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 standard among
people
Use synonyms
 in the
future
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 will surely keep rising. We
also
Linking Words
 now live in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 world
that is
Linking Words
 interconnected, with the internet and other digital technology making it easier for
people
Use synonyms
 to gain
better
Add an article
a better
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 understanding and raise awareness about
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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.
People
Use synonyms
 can now access workout videos, ways to maintain a healthy diet, and support for those needing help with their mental well-being a lot easier compared to the past.
Although
Linking Words
 fast-food restaurants are still popular among the younger generation, food and beverage companies offering healthier meal choices are
also
Linking Words
 rapidly growing with a
similarly
Linking Words
 rising number of consumers.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is an indication that many
people
Use synonyms
 are moving away from less healthy eating habits as well, which is a direct consequence of their rising
health
Use synonyms
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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. To concede,
while
Linking Words
 it is true that fast-food eating and unhealthy
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 still pervasive among some
people
Use synonyms
, the
health
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 standard of
people
Use synonyms
in general
Add the comma(s)
, in general,
show examples
 has been rising and will continue to rise in the
future
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.
This
Linking Words
 is shown by the progress made in the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system and the growing number of
health
Use synonyms
-related contents and products we can access using today's technology
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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