IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

shopping has become a favorite pastime among young people. Do you think they must be encouraged to do other things rather than shopping.

#pastime #people
Shopping has become one of the favourite hobbies of younger generations. Buying clothes and gadgets has become a status symbol for many. In my view, our youth should concentrate more on other useful things than spending too much on these materialistic things. The below essay shall discuss the demerits of the above-said matter. To start with, excessive buying of textiles will increase waste which in turn will result in an environmental hazard. In many countries where
Add an article
the
show examples
waste management is a global concern, the dumping of these materials will add more burden. If people start throwing clothes after a single use the environment will have an adverse effect. Apart from that, too much addiction to gadgets can make our new generations spend way much, as most of these products can be purchased with a small advance and instalments. Most companies are taking advantage of our upcoming generations by offering many packages and our teens are just blindly behind these advertisements, which can ultimately make them bankrupt. Many people have even committed suicide, as they failed to pay the instalments.
To conclude
, parents should guide children from a very young age, so that they can easily understand the hidden agenda of marketing people, which will prevent them from falling into it. Children should be encouraged to invest their time and money in productive things, rather than fashion and trends.
Submitted by sujitharavi85 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: