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Band 4

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

#parts #world #festivals #celebrations #measures #counter #situation
Our cultural heritage can be maintained by doing the traditional ceremony regularly.
However
, some population of the world indicates that these activities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
no longer exist,
due to
 several
trigger
Change to a plural noun
triggers
show examples
, in
this
case
Add the comma(s)
,case
show examples
 globalization and false belief. I personally think that
such
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
 can be overcome
government
Change preposition
by government
show examples
 regulation
as well as
technology
 adoption.
Although
 globalization brought
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact, still
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
show examples
 severe drawbacks.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
people
 can be exposed
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 outer tradition which some of them thought it is better than their original one. If
this
 case
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 continually, it will lead to ignorance of heritage
instead
 of
conserve
Change the verb form
conserving
show examples
 it. To illustrate,
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 in
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
 village of Java might neglect their traditional dance since Korean dance is way cooler.
Furthermore
, some
people
 believe that traditional festivals are outdated since
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 only
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 old accessories, tools and music. Staying in old culture might stop the growth of
technology
 and modernization,
therefore
 they start to neglect it.
Real
Add an article
A real
show examples
 case example is in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big city where
people
 rushed for innovation,
technology
 and digitalization, tradition
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no longer become an important thing. To prevent those issues,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should execute wise intervention by using proper regulation. Making every
celebrations
Change to a singular noun
celebration
show examples
 using
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mandatory, is
solution
Correct article usage
a solution
show examples
government
 could offer.
For instance
, every celebration
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 the
government
 facilities should use cultural
concept
Fix the agreement mistake
concepts
show examples
. Equally important,
technology
 and
traditional
Replace the word
tradition
show examples
 is not two side of
coin
Add an article
the coin
show examples
,
conversely
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can walk side by side. By using
technology
, traditional dance can promote globally
hence
 more
people
 can enjoy it. Another way to use
technology
 is
synchronize
Change the verb form
to synchronize
synchronizing
show examples
 it with traditional
music
Replace the word
musical
show examples
 instruments. All in all,
although
 tradition started to perish
due to
 globalization and outdated, we still make a change by making appropriate
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 and using
technology
.
Submitted by fransprisyafada on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional festivals
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • folklore
  • cultural tourism
  • intergenerational
  • homogenization
  • commercialization
  • intangible cultural heritage
  • community engagement
  • awareness
  • revitalize
  • cultural diversity
  • educational programs
  • governmental support
  • logistical support
What to do next:
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