IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT VIOLENCE ON TELEVISION AND IN COMPUTER GAMES HAS A DAMAGING EFFECT ON THE COCIETY. OTHERS DENY THAT THESE FACTORS HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOUR. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #cociety #factors #influence #people’s #behaviour
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There has been widespread debate in recent years concerning whether the impact of violence on television and in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 is negative or positive. The majority of people claim that it has significant damage to the community,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that it does not have any effect on an individual's behaviour. I believe that watching or playing in any kind of criminal thing has a negative influence on everybody and the following paragraphs of
this
Linking Words
 essay will analyze factors which will contribute to my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it seems that everyone might try to do what they see on the screen. A multitude of individuals mostly searches about things that they watch
due to
Linking Words
 the appearance of interest in
this
Linking Words
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are going to learn everything about specific kinds of crime and result in committing a crime in the future.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is advisable that the elders should control the young what they watch on television.
Secondly
Linking Words
, nowadays criminal
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 have a huge impact on individual behaviour and become more popular than other devices among teenagers.
Consequently
Linking Words
, spending massive time playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 might lead to loose their cognitive and communication skills. The individuals who play dreadful
games
Use synonyms
 suffer from many problems in terms of losing their interest, becoming quite rude during any conversation and having various health problems. There is scientific evidence that the majority of
computer
Use synonyms
 players suffer from obesity caused by not doing enough activity and eating mainly junk foods.
As a result
Linking Words
, these people can not enrich their diverse skills
due to
Linking Words
 the time spent on
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 and become a person who is interested in committing a crime. In conclusion, showing criminal events on television and playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 mostly lead to an increasing number of offenders.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these detrimental things should be cut down by imposing a strict law concerning their limitations.
Submitted by adilkhanov.mdr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: