Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. Do you agree or disagree?

It is common nowadays for shops to have their own value in the market and

customer

Fix the agreement mistake

customers

show examples

can purchase everything from there. Some individuals believe that stores shouldn't be permitted to sell eating things that have been certified harmful to

people

's health,

while

others

against

Add a missing verb

are against

show examples

this

idea. In my opinion, I partially agree with the former statements as some reasons I will discuss below.

To begin

, it is well-known that eating foods with little nutritional value and high levels of harmful ingredients can have negative effects on the body over time.

Additionally

, consuming unhealthy foods and drinks can lead to the development of obesity and diabetes

as well as

chronic diseases like cancer. Take instant

noodle

Fix the agreement mistake

noodles

show examples

as an example, numerous research

valuating

Correct your spelling

evaluating

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the toxicity of instant noodles, with additives

such

food

coloring

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colouring

show examples

, salt, saturated fat, etc., proving that eating instant noodles for a long time is easy to cause cancer.

Likewise

, it impairs immunity since these meals are lacking

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

fiber

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fibre

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, vitamins,

minerals

Correct word choice

and minerals

show examples

and

high

Add a missing verb

are high

show examples

in harmful ingredients,

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a result of

this

, limiting the body of necessary nutrients. One thing which is

aqually

Correct your spelling

equally

important is that prohibiting the use of harmful eating things can result in saving the government spending on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

wellness issues.

Furthermore

, If the government does not allow stores from selling junk

food

, public awareness will

also

increase significantly. Clients and producers will both feel the potential harm that

this eating things

Change the determiner

this eating thing

these eating things

show examples

may bring.

Therefore

people

become increasingly conscious of the quality of products in different fields.

For instance

people

in Japan concern about what to consume

due to

the early simple

food

instructions in Japanese schools. So, if

people

can manage their eating, they will be more attentive. In conclusion, regardless of how good

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

the

food

tastes, it is important for shops to stop providing meals and drinks that impact

people

's health badly.

People

's health will remain in good shape

as a result

this

, as well.

Moreover

, by encouraging individuals to manage their meals, public awareness will

increased

Change the verb form

be increased

increase

show examples

among communities.

Submitted by sinh.ielts on Mon Feb 06 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

337 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

scientifically proven
bad for people's health
shops
allowed
disagree
freedom
choices
consume
banning
products
focus
educating
regulations
guidelines
nutritional information
packaging
promote
balanced diet
encourage
healthier choices

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Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people today believe that it is acceptable to use physical force to discipline children, but others feel it is completely unacceptable. Discuss this view and give your opinion.

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