IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to comsume less sugar.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people #comsume
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It is
an
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apply
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undeniable that many
food
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 products and
drinks
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 include
the
Correct article usage
apply
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big levels of
sugar
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, which causes many negative effects on health.
Hence
Linking Words
, reducing the rate of
sugar
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 in foods and
drinks
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 improves your health.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss various others ways of the mind and my view in the end. In recent years, more
people
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 have various
food
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 habits. Most foods and
drinks
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 are added a sweet taste, even if it has already sweet, like adding whipped cream or caramel in
drinks
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. Consumption of more
sugar
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 each day
,
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apply
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is badly affected
on
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apply
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health.
For example
Linking Words
, heart disease, fat disease and
sugar
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 blood.
furthermore
Linking Words
, the expense increased for buying medicine for healing. The government should encourage to
people
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 consume less
sugar
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 by the
price
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 of
sugar
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 is increased and
state
Wrong verb form
stating
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 about disadvantages when consuming more
sugar
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.
In addition
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,
people
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consumed
Wrong verb form
consuming
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 less would help to decrease the number of
people
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 with
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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,
while
Linking Words
 it would help to reduce medication expenditures to the government. the government could these funds from the medical sector to
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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 the country on any other side,
such
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 as education, transport public, and so on.
On the other hand
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, the
price
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 of
sugar
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 is increased to make some
people
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, which there is a necessity to purchase, unable to
buy
Correct pronoun usage
itbuy
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. The rich person could purchase healthy
food
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 to substitute for
food
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 concluded
sugar
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 because they have enough money to buy those things. In my opinion, increasing the
price
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 of
sugar
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 has not solved problems for some
people
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. The amount of
price
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 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 should be increased to a level
that is
Linking Words
 not too high. In conclusion, the
price
Use synonyms
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 should be increased to a less level to some
people
Use synonyms
 could purchase those.
Submitted by nakassorn on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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