IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to comsume less sugar.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people #comsume
It is
an
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undeniable that many
food
 products and
drinks
 include
the
Correct article usage
apply
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big levels of
sugar
, which causes many negative effects on health.
Hence
, reducing the rate of
sugar
 in foods and
drinks
 improves your health.
This
 essay will discuss various others ways of the mind and my view in the end. In recent years, more
people
 have various
food
 habits. Most foods and
drinks
 are added a sweet taste, even if it has already sweet, like adding whipped cream or caramel in
drinks
. Consumption of more
sugar
 each day
,
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is badly affected
on
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health.
For example
, heart disease, fat disease and
sugar
 blood.
furthermore
, the expense increased for buying medicine for healing. The government should encourage to
people
 consume less
sugar
 by the
price
 of
sugar
 is increased and
state
Wrong verb form
stating
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 about disadvantages when consuming more
sugar
.
In addition
,
people
consumed
Wrong verb form
consuming
show examples
 less would help to decrease the number of
people
 with
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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,
while
 it would help to reduce medication expenditures to the government. the government could these funds from the medical sector to
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 the country on any other side,
such
 as education, transport public, and so on.
On the other hand
, the
price
 of
sugar
 is increased to make some
people
, which there is a necessity to purchase, unable to
buy
Correct pronoun usage
itbuy
show examples
. The rich person could purchase healthy
food
 to substitute for
food
 concluded
sugar
 because they have enough money to buy those things. In my opinion, increasing the
price
 of
sugar
 has not solved problems for some
people
. The amount of
price
 of
sugar
 should be increased to a level
that is
 not too high. In conclusion, the
price
 of
sugar
 should be increased to a less level to some
people
 could purchase those.
Submitted by nakassorn on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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