IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Given high unemployment rate, it is recommended that the government only provide primary education and no secondary education. What do you think?

#unemployment #rate #government #education
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over whether the authorities need to provide funds for primary
education
instead
 of secondary one when the increment in
Correct article usage
the
show examples
unemployment ratio. In my point of view, I do not consider myself an advocate of
this
 statement. Without a shadow of a doubt, secondary
education
 brings tremendous benefits to
students
 in determining their strengths and weaknesses.
While
 grammar schools provide
students
 with primary literacy, junior high schools can equip them with basic lessons in various science. Because when
students
 expose those sources of knowledge to obtain insight into their abilities and limitations, they can
also
 orient their own basic jobs.
For instance
, those who are proficient in languages are likely to become diplomats, translators, tour guides and so on
whereas
 those who are good at numerical calculation may develop to be accountants, bankers, investors and so forth.
Hence
, attending secondary
education
 plays an important role for people
While
 the essence features of identifying
students
' abilities and limitations are widely acknowledged, secondary
education
 is
also
 a significant foundation to access higher
education
. Given the fact that secondary school arms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
 with not only theoretical knowledge but
also
 some soft skills
such
 as communication skills, and leadership skills.
For example
, in today’s society
as a result
 of the proliferation of robots with artificial intelligence taking over manual jobs,
students
 can be unaware of the most advanced technologies, and they will encounter a greater risk of being jobless.
Thus
, going to secondary school is one of the fundamental roles to becoming high achievers in the future
To sum up
, I disagree that providing only primary
education
 is the best course of action to be adopted in the context of a nation with a high rate of unemployment.
Submitted by lubichngoc812005 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: