IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group acticities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

#people #parents #children #part #group #acticities #time
Some people think that their kids should take part in volunteering projects.
Whereas
, other parents say that children should learn how to effort on their own. In my point of view, children should work in organised groups in their free time. It teaches you to make communication with everyone and feel better. As I previously mentioned, it can make you a communicative individual.
For example
, my sister was very shy until her 19. When she joined the volunteering club, she started to talk with strangers. It boosted her confidence as an individual. Today, she is the manager of one of the biggest shops in our town.
On the other hand
, kids have to learn to work alone. It helps you to articulate your thoughts without others' help. From the
last
 research, scientists say that people mostly find solutions to their problems when they are alone. You need peace and silence to think radically.
In addition
, sometimes, all of us want to be alone. In conclusion, there are a lot of advantages in both situations. People should learn to work with a group
as well as
 alone. I would teach my child to be open and rationally thinking .
Submitted by bekabaizhuma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: